I was working on posting the story yesterday, and as I did I briefly thought I should print a warning of some sort letting people know that it involved sex between men, and then I thought, “What the hell? I would never do that for any other coupling. Hell, I’d never even think of doing that for any other coupling,” and so of course I didn’t print a warning at the top of the story after all, but the thought spurred me on to listen to myself for the last couple of days. I’ve noticed a few things, the meaning of which I haven’t really decided yet.
In social situations, my vocal register is softer when I talk to women than when I talk to men. Voice timbre warmer, tone and volume more even, volume slightly softer. Words don’t change so far as I can tell, though. My softer voice sounds more natural to me, but I suppose I’ve developed a louder, more masculine tone with men to deal with situations where I’m not as self-confident. I wouldn’t say that I developed it from talking to my old Ph.D. advisor over years, but it certainly made the difference more pronounced and the masculine voice is characteristic of him. I’d be curious to study myself and see if I use the masculine register for women who outrank me in one thing or another, where self-confidence is based on having a sure footing in the conversation and not looking like a fool.
And I notice that the story brings back all the same worries that I had about my friends that they might feel weird reading erotica by someone they know. Gay sex, man, I’m telling you… brings out the worry in me for some reason, at least writing about it. I’m consciously working to change that, now that I’ve noticed it, but here’s to self-discovery in the meantime.
Okay, that was only a couple of things I’ve noticed, at least that I can vocalize, but I’m still more conscious of myself at the moment. We’ll see what else I turn up.
